Negative Beliefs and Dating: Talk Back to These Beliefs

“For there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” Hamlet

If you think dating is easy and fun, you are right. If you think dating is hard and painstaking, you are right. How can this be? What do these two contradictory sentences have in common? Two things: you and your thoughts. You are the creator of your life. You can create yourself as a victim with severe limitations. Or you can choose to learn all you can about yourself and about dating successfully.

Since you are reading this, I believe you are not willing to remain in the victim role. But maybe you have no idea what to do to change your belief that dating is difficult. It all starts with your mindset. If you do not get a handle on the negative stuff running around your brain, you cannot proceed with successful dating. What are some of these negative thoughts that are torturing your mind?

  • No one will like me if they know the “real me.”
  • I have to pretend to be someone I am not to get people to like me.
  • I am not good enough.
  • Women are basically shallow gold-diggers.
  • Men are only interested in hot, younger women.
  • I am too old to date (substitute other words, like too fat, ugly, poor, shy, weird, messed up, nerdy, geeky…you get the idea)
  • Dating is too hard so I might as well get used to being single.
  • I am too set in my ways to learn how to date/have a successful relationship.
  • I don’t want to work on myself.
  • Why can’t people just accept me the way I am?

All of these examples of the negative stuff that takes over your mind and keeps you awake at night are based in fear. So how do you turn this around? Start with one of your negative statements and work on it. It’s hard to simply declare that the opposite is true, but it may be easier if you start by challenging the negative statement.

Often, believing stuff you’ve told yourself can get you in a rut. Begin by talking back to these beliefs. For instance, if you believe “No one will like me if they know the real me,” question the truth of this statement. Who said this was true? What evidence do you have to back it up? What examples do you have that the opposite is true?

Make a list of exceptions to this “rule.” Ask others what they think about this belief. Bringing it out of your head and onto paper and out loud to others takes away this belief’s power. Keep exploring until you realize that you no longer need this belief. Then work on the next one. I wish you the best!

I want you to have my free, extended report, “Why am I Still Single and What Can I Do About it? Ten Attitudes that are Keeping You From Finding Your Dream Man.”  Women, get your report here:

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Why am I Still Single and What Can I Do About it?  Five Attitudes That Can Keep You From Finding the One for You

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